LEARNING COMPASSION

LEARNING COMPASSION

As a parent, you are in a position to facilitate your child’s social and emotional development. One of the developmental benchmarks is a child’s ability to feel compassion. Compassion is defined as a feeling of empathy which makes one want to help or show mercy. Compassion in young children is the process which allows them to begin to think about other people’s feelings and not just their own. Teaching compassion to children is more relevant now than ever before.

Children are exposed in many ways to violence today. It is difficult to turn on the television news without seeing stories which involve violence. Movies and video games often glorify violence. In a world where violence appears to be common and almost acceptable, what can be done to help children become kinder and more considerate of others. How can you teach your to develop a sense of caring and compassion?

Teaching children to care isn’t a solution to violence in and of itself, but it is a start. As a parent it is not easy to completely control all the things which affect a child’s life. As a working parent, your child may go to childcare during the day and encounter children who are not kind. It is still possible to encourage children to become caring and responsible. When choosing childcare, you should ask your provider what they do to foster compassion and kindness among the children? Is it part of their curriculum?

START EARLY

The ability to feel compassion is not limited to adults. Children feel compassion also. I’m sure you have seen a young child hug another child who is sad. Child show signs of empathy and concern at a very early age.

We know the earliest stages of a child’s development (birth to age five) influences their later development and ability to show compassion. As a parent, you have the opportunity to foster compassion, empathy and caring by giving your inant the right foundation for developing compassion.

How can you build the right environment to foster compassion?

You need to build a foundation as early as possible. Parents need to ensure they are expressing and showing a lot affection towards their child. Starting with infants, it is important that they learn trust. If babies learn the adults caring for them are kind and dependable, they will develop trust. When others respond sensitively to baby’s needs, they feel valued and important, which builds the foundation for caring and kindness towards others. We know that infants who do not form an attachment, will later have difficulty showing love and affection. When you are aware of the impact you can have on an infant’s development, it should move you to make sure that your daily schedule includes attention to this important part of their development.

CONSISTENCY

Consistency is a very important part of a child’s ability to develop compassion. As a parent, you need to express consistent expectations for your child. This will help them develop predictable views of the world. Consistency and clarity with directions and explanations help children feel safe as they grow and explore the world around them. Showing inconsistency in your requests and expectations will create confusion. It is an important part of a child’s healthy development to feel secure. When a child feels secure, he/she can relate more easily to the other children around them.

Children learn best when they feel calm and secure. Your guidance based on affection and respect helps your child develop an awareness of his/her behavior with others. When a child is in an environment where they are physically or emotionally punished, it will weaken their trust in adults. Children who are receiving consistent and positive guidance are more likely to treat others with compassion.

COMPETITION

In a competitive environment the message children often receive is their accomplishment is not good enough if it is not ‘better than’ the efforts of another child. Winning or losing should not be the measure of a child’s efforts. For young children competitive environments can be stressful. Competitive environments are not always compatible with compassionate behavior. Often parents can display a competitive environment.

For example: When a child is placed in a position where they are vying for your attention and need to compete with other people or situations (such as work) in order to receive your attention.

It is natural that you cannot always drop everything and tend to the child, but do not ignore the child, acknowledge their presence and let them know you will be with them as soon as you finish what you are doing.

Avoid comparing one child’s performance to that of another child.

For example: Do not say, “Sue, look how well Sara zips her jacket, why can’t you do that?”

If you make comparisons about children in their presence, you are contributing to a competitive and less than positive environment.

Instead of winning and losing, children need to be reinforced and praised for their successes. They should be given support in working through failures and encouraged to try again.

For example, Never make your acceptance conditional on your child’s performance. A child who is having difficulty toilet training should never be made to feel you do not like him because of a perceived inadequacy. Children who are given opportunities to succeed and to feel accomplishment are less likely to feel envious of other children and therefore able to feel more empathy and compassion.

Modeling compassionate behavior, starting young, being consistent and eliminating the atmosphere of winning or losing will allow your child to learn from you. You will be contributing to your child’s healthy compassionate development.