TEASING SOLUTIONS
Unfortunately teasing happens in childcare despite the efforts of providers and parents. Children become very upset when teased or called a name. When a child is teased repeatedly in daycare they often do not want to attend. As a provider you cannot always protect children from these harmful situations. However, you can teach children strategies to help them cope with teasing. Young children who learn coping skills at an early age may be better prepared for more significant social challenges and conflicts in their preteen years.
There are three kinds of teasing.
• Playful teasing - this can be fun and constructive. Playful or good-humored teasing occurs when it causes everyone to smile or laugh, including the person being teased.
• Harmful teasing – includes ridicule, name-calling, put-downs, and saying or doing annoying things. Harmful teasing causes the child to become sad, hurt, and angry.
• Hostile teasing – includes tormenting or harassing. This requires the provider to intervene to protect the child being teased.
Reasons why children tease:
• ATTENTION: Teasing is a good way of receiving attention. Even though the attention is negative, some children strive towards getting any attention and not care whether it is negative or positive.
• IMITATION: Some children may be getting teased by older siblings at home or unfortunately by a harsh parent. They mimic what is happening to them by acting the same way with other children in your care.
• FEELING OF SUPERIORITY OR POWER: Many teasers feel superior when they put down others. They may even feel powerful when the teasing upsets others.
• MISUNDERSTANDING DIFFERENCES: Many children do understand or are not familiar with cultural or ethnic difference. In some instances, a child with a physical or a learning disability may be the target of teasing because the child is different. Some children criticize anyone who seems different instead of trying to learn or understand what makes other special.
• MEDIA INFLUENCES: Many children are influenced by what they see or hear on TV or video games. Teasing, put-downs and sarcasm, along with a lack of respect is modeled in many television programs.
Getting to the bottom of why a child teases is important in handling the situation. Looking at the above list will help you to understand why one child is teasing another. Talk to the teaser and his parents, try to address the reason why a child is teasing another.
STRATEGIES
When you hear teasing don’t overreact this can result in the child overreacting. Take a look at your own behavior. Ask yourself whether you tease the children.
You cannot control what other children say. However, you can teach the children how to control their own reactions. Here are some simple strategies to empower children and reduce feelings of helplessness when they are teased.
• SELF-TALK: Teach the children to say to themselves when they are in a teasing situation, “I don’t like teasing, but I can handle it.” Tell the child to ask themselves, “Is the teasing true?” “Do I care more about what I think or about what the teaser thinks?” Help the teased child to think about their positive qualities to counteract the negative remarks.
• IGNORE: Often when the teased child gets angry or cries it will cause the teaser to increase their teasing. Therefore, teach the child being teased to pretend the teaser is invisible and ignore what they say. Tell them to just walk away.
• “I” MESSAGES: Teach the child to be assertive by using “I messages”. Let the child express how they feel and what they want the teaser to do.
For example, “I get sad when you make fun of my glasses. I would like you to stop.”
This strategy works well in a supervised situation. As the provider, allow for a time when the teased child can calmly tell the teaser how they feel.
• VISUALIZATION: Young children respond well to visualizing words.
For example: “bouncing off” them. This can provide an image that what is being said does not affect them but bounces right off. You can even demonstrate with a nerf ball by throwing it at the child and watching it bounce off. Another visual can be telling the child that they have a shield around themself and all the teasing and bad words can’t get through.
• REFRAMING: Reframing is changing one’s perception about negative comments and turning them into a compliment.
For example: A child is being call “four eyes because they wear glasses.” The teased child can turn this around by saying, “Thanks for noticing my new glasses.” The teaser is usually confused especially when they do not get the reaction of anger or crying.
• AGREE WITH THE FACTS: Agreeing with the facts can be one of the easiest ways to handle teasing. For example: The teaser says, “You have so many freckles.” The teased child responds, “Yes, I do have a lot of freckles.” The teaser taunts “You are such a cry baby”. The teased child can answer, “I do cry easily.” Agreeing with the facts usually eliminates the feeling of wanting to hide the freckles or tears.
• SO?: The response of “so?” to the teaser conveys an indifference that the tease doesn’t matter. Children find this response simple yet very effective.
• USE HUMOR: Humor shows what little importance is placed on the put-down or mean remarks. Laughing can often turn a hurtful situation into a funny one.
• ASK FOR HELP: At times it is necessary for a child to seek adult assistance or intervention if the teaser is persistent.
Always be prepared to give assistance to a child that is being teased. Talk to the parents of both the teaser and child being teased, involve them in the solutions you are suggesting to the child. If the teasing evolves into harassment, together with the parents, come up with a course of action to end the harassment.