Teaching children honesty is a very important part of their development. Learning how to be honest helps the child build trusting relationships as they grow. However, we all know that very young children often do not tell the truth. For example: The four year old who has cookie crumbs all over their face says, “I didn’t eat it, Rover (the dog) ate it.” Young children can tell lies starting around 3 years old. Four and five year old children love to make up stories. Four year old children love to tell tall tales and these tales can include a lot exaggerations.
For example: “I went fishing with my day and my dad caught a big shark!”
They do not consider this to be a lie, they are just thrilled with their story.
Sometimes a young child will tell you an elaborate story about something that happened at home and it is not true. They may also tell their parents elaborate stories about something that happened at childcare that is not true.
For example: Your child may tell their parent that they are so hungry because their childcare provider did not give them any lunch. It is important at this time to have very open communication with the parents. They may be already experiencing the child telling them stories. Communicate with them. Encourage keeping the lines of communication open. If their child tells you something troubling let the parent know. Tell the parent to call you whenever they hear something that troubles them. You can also discuss with the parent the steps you are taking with the child to teach him honesty. Discuss how the parenr can encourage honesty when the child at home.
The important thing to remember is that this is normal. There are many reasons why children do not tell the truth. Children are being introduced to stories and making up stories for fun. They often are blurring the distinction between reality and fantasy. After all their stories are more exciting than the real truth. The child may tell you a story just to see how you will respond. They may make up a story to get attention. Often a child will tell a lie to get what they want.
For example: “My Daddy said I can have cookies before lunch”.
Children also learn to lie so they won’t get in trouble.
Here are some steps you can take to help a child develop honesty:
1. Set a good example for the children in your program. Kids will imitate what you say and do. Don’t lie,or attempt to avoid taking responsibility in front of your child. Children learn best through your good example.
2. Be honest about your emotions. If you are sad or upset, it is okay to acknowledge those feelings in front of children. Children need to know that it’s unhealthy to keep negative feelings inside and pretend everything is alright. However, it is important to take care of yourself. Consistent feelings of sadness or depression should be addressed.
3. Nurturing healthy self-esteem helps create confidant children. Confidant children are less likely to embellish the truth. Find ways to help the children in your care feel good about themselves. (See Building Healthy Self Esteem.)
4. When a child tells a greatly exaggerated story that is obviously not true, you can acknowledge that you appreciate their imagination and you recognize it’s a story. For example: you could say, “That’s an exciting story! Let’s draw a picture about it so you can remember to tell your Mommy and Daddy your story when when they pick you up.” This encourages the child’s imagination without encouraging lying.
5. When a child tells a deliberate lie you need to let the child know it is not alright. You would never want to accuse the child of lying in front of the other children.
For example: your child spills her milk and tells you they didn’t do it. You could say, “Oh well, accidents happen, we all spill once in a while. (This lets the child know that you are not angry, it is an accident.) You then might say, “When we spill something, we need to clean it up. Will you get the paper towels and help me clean this up?” (This teaches the child there are consequences to their actions and gives them an opportunity to own up to their actions.)
6. At a later time talk to the child and let them know how you feel. Talk about trust and how proud you are when she tells the truth.
7. Read stories about honesty to the children and talk about it together.
8. Always praise the child when they tell the truth. This will reinforce to the child the importance or honesty.