HELPING CHILDREN MANAGE DISAPPOINTMENT
HELPING CHILDREN TO MANAGE DISAPPOINTMENT
Part of growing up is learning how to face disappointment. Every child will at sometime face disappointment because of not being invited to a party, not being picked for a team, not being first in line, or even not being able to go outside because of bad weather. As your child gets older, disappointment can become more important to the child. Such as, not getting invited to the prom, not getting into the college of their choice, or failing their driving test.
No matter how old your child is they will face disappointment, this is a part of growing up. As a parent it hurts us to see our child suffer disappointment. It is important that we teach them from a young age how to bounce back from disappointment. This will strengthen your child to be able to cope in the future. If children can learn the tools to deal with a disappointing situation, they'll be able to rely on those tools throughout childhood into adulthood.
It is important that as a parent you understand you cannot always make your child happy. There are times when you have to disappoint your child.
For example: You plan a day at the beach and the weather is bad. As a parent, you may be as disappointed as the child. How you hanle your disappointment will impact how the child handles disappointment.
Modeling appropriate behavior yourself when things don't go your way, teaches your child skills to handle disappointments. It is important to step back and let your child use these new skills when they are disappointed. This teaches them to be responsible for their own feelings.
Children can react very strongly to their emotions. They often become so overwhelmed with what they are feeing that they become out of control. Let your child vent. Remember to listen to your child instead of trying to 'fix it'.
When your child is hurting because they are disappointed, acknowledge the emotion they are feeling.
For example: Say, "I know you are feeling sad because your best friend David moved away. I know how you feel, that happened to me when I was your age. I was very sad too."
Show your child that you have been in the same situation and you understand how they feel. Doing this can open up the lines of communication and show your child he is not alone. Your child will watch how you react to similar situations in your life. As long as you don't overreact, it's important to show your child what you learned from the experience. (Butler)
If you get angry when you get disappointed and blame others, or become withdrawn and sullen, your child will model the same behavior when they are disappointed. Instead show your child how you can look for a positive outcome when things don't go their way. (Lewis)
When a child is experiencing disappointment because of anothers action, (Such as not being invited to a birthday party), they have the tendency to blame themselves. Teaching them to distinguish between acts and people is important. As the parent, you can help your child by making them feel loved and accepted. The sense of belonging is key to a healthy self esteem and a life long ability to cope with setbacks. (Lewis)
Show your child that other children go through the same things they do. Read the child a book such as "Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day" by Judith Viorst. Teach your child persistence. Help them to set goals and praise them when they acomplish the goal. Make sure the goals are age appropriate, realistic and are attainable.
If your child does not win his softball game, try to concentrate on how much fun he had and how he has the chance to practice and do better in the next game.
Help your cild learn to clam down. For very young children it is sometimes necessary to redirect the child's attention.
- Play a game
- Read them a story
- Sing a song
- Give your child a hug
- Offer your child a drink of water
- Try to find something to laugh about
- Put some music on and dance
Don't punish your child for negative reactions. Children can react strongly to disappointments. You canot allow your child to hurt themself, anyone else, or damage property. However, you need to teach your child how to deal with the negative reactions they are feeling.
For example: Say, "Take a deep breath, breathe with me." or "Count to ten".
Teaching your child how to handle disappointments and modeling the behavior will give them tools that will help them succeed throughout life.
References
Butler, Cheryl http://www.quickanddirtytips.com/parenting/school-age/5-tips-to-help-kid...
Lewis, Micheal; How Parents Can Help Their Children Deal With Disappointments