SHOULD I USE TIME-OUT WITH MY CHILD
SHOULD I USE TIME-OUT WITH MY CHILD
Time-out is a technique used to remove a child away from others for a short period of time. Time-out should never be used as a punishment, to shame the child, or label the child as "naughty" or "bad".
Time-outs should be used when a child's behavior is so disruptive that it cannot be ignored. There are times when a child becomes so out of control that they are throwing objects, kicking, hitting, biting and they cannot accept comfort and in fact, the more you try to sooth the child, the more out of control she gets. You may also feel you are pushed to your limit. Emotions can be high for both you and the child. This is a time when both of you neeed to take a break. The important thing to remember is how you employ the break. As hard as it may be, try to be calm and loving. Use this time-out as an opportunity to prevent future escalation.
CREATE A QUIET PLACE
In your home, create a safe, cozy space where your child can learn to control her emotions. Talk to your child and show her the quiet place. Explain to her, in advance of the out of control situation that this is a special place where anyone in the family can go when they feel they are losing control and need a break. You might want to ask her for suggestions on what should be in the quiet place, like a soft fuzzy pillow. You may want to model the behavior by going to the quiet place occasionally when you need a break.
KEEP YOUR EXPECTATIONS DEVELOPMENTALLY APPROPRIATE
Children under 3 years old have not developed the ability to reflect on their own actions. Therefore, your goal in bringing your child to a quiet place is to provide them with a place that they can move from being highly agitated to becoming calm. Do not try to reason with the child when they are in this agitated state, they simply cannot learn when emotional charged.
Children by the time they are four or five can reason on the negative consequences of their behavior. Discuss with your child, after she has calmed down, how she could handle things differently.
HOW LONG SHOULD A CHILD BE LEFT IN TIME OUT?
In a short amount of time (3-5 minutes), check on your child to see if she has comforted herself and is in control. If the child is still upset, but not out of control, you may be able to comfort your child. Do not give in to what originally caused the tantrum, but suggest your child do an alternative activity.
For example: your child had a temper trantrum because she wanted to play a game on your phone. Do not give in and give her the phone after she has calmed down, instead suggest that she do something else like reading a book together.
These time out or comfort breaks can be a useful tool to helping a young child learn to cope with their strong emotions. There are times when it is just as effective to ignore the behavior. It is important that while you are ignoring the behavior, you are not ignoring the child.
For example: You might say, "I know you are angry, but when you calm down, I could use some help making some cookies, it you'd like to help me."
This communicates that you are still a loving, present parent, ready and eager to engage, but that you arenot going to participate in or fuel his tantrum.
The important thing to remember is, when your child is exhibiting strong emotions it means that he is having a hard time coping with his emotions and frustrations. He is not purposefully misbehaving; he is just reacting. His intense emotions-and limited skills in self-regulation-sometimes cause him to lose control over his mind and body.
The way you handle time out or comfort time will determine how sucessful this tool is. Giving your child a short break and the opportunity to self-regulate their behavior works if it is handled calmly, lovingly, and in a nonjudgemental way.