COMPASSIONATE CHILDREN
As a family childcare provider, you are in a position to facilitate the children’s social and emotional development. One of the developmental benchmarks is a child’s ability to feel compassion. Compassion is defined as a feeling of empathy which makes one want to help or show mercy. Compassion in young children is the process which allows them to begin to think about other people’s feelings and not just their own. Teaching compassion to children is more relevant now than ever before.
Children are exposed in many ways to violence today. It is difficult to turn on the television news without seeing stories which involve violence. Movies and video games often glorify violence. In a world where violence appears to be common and almost acceptable, what can be done to help children become kinder and more considerate of others? How can you, as a childcare provider, teach children to develop a sense of caring and compassion?
Teaching children to care isn’t a solution to violence in and of itself, but it is a start. Even though a provider cannot completely control all the things which affect a child’s life, including the home the child returns to at the end of the childcare day; it is still possible to encourage children to become caring and responsible.
The ability to feel compassion is not limited to adults. Children feel compassion also. I’m sure you have seen a young child hug another child who is sad. Children show signs of empathy and concern at a very early age.
START EARLY
We know the earliest stages of a child’s development (birth to age five) influences their later development and ability to show compassion. As a family childcare provider, you have the opportunity to foster compassion, empathy and caring by giving the children the right foundation for developing compassion.
How can you build the right environment to foster compassion? Family childcare providers need to build a foundation as early as possible. Providers need to ensure they are expressing and showing a lot affection towards the children in their care. Starting with infants, it is important that they learn trust. If babies learn the adults caring for them are kind and dependable, they will develop trust. When others respond sensitively to babies needs, they feel valued and important, which builds the foundation for caring and kindness towards others. We know that infants who do not form an attachment, will later have difficulty showing love and affection. When you are aware of the impact you can have on an infant’s development, it should move you to make sure that your daily schedule includes attention to this important part of their development.
CONSISTENCY
Consistency is a very important part of a child’s ability to develop compassion. As a provider, you need to express consistent expectations for the children in your care. This will help them develop predictable views of the world. Consistency and clarity with directions and explanations help children feel safe as they grow and explore the world around them. Showing inconsistency in your requests and expectations will create confusion. It is an important part of a child’s healthy development to feel secure. When a child feels secure, he/she can relate more easily to the other children around them.
Children learn best when they feel calm and secure. Your guidance based on affection and respect helps children develop an awareness of their behavior with others. When a child is in an environment where they are physically or emotionally punished, it will weaken their trust in adults. Children who are receiving consistent and positive guidance are more likely to treat others with compassion.
COMPETITION
In a competitive environment the message children often receive is their accomplishment is not good enough if it is not ‘better than’ the efforts of another child. Winning or losing should not be the measure of a child’s efforts. For young children competitive environments can be stressful. Competitive environments are not always compatible with compassionate behavior. Often your childcare program can display a competitive environment.
For example: When children are placed in a position where they are vying for your attention and need to compete with other children in order to receive the attention they need. Also, when children are in an environment where there are not enough materials and equipment, they will compete for what is available.
Avoid comparing one child’s performance to that of another child.
For example: Do not say, “Sue, look how well Sara zips her jacket, why can’t you do that?” If you make comparisons about children in their presence, you are contributing to a competitive and less than positive environment.
Instead of winning and losing, children need to be reinforced and praised for their successes. They should be given support in working through failures and encouraged to try again.
For example, Never make your acceptance conditional on a child’s performance. A child who is having difficulty toilet training should never be made to feel you do not like him because of a perceived inadequacy. Children who are given opportunities to succeed and to feel accomplishment are less likely to feel envious of other children and therefore able to feel more empathy and compassion.
Modeling compassionate behavior, starting young, being consistent and eliminating the atmosphere of winning or losing will allow the children in your care to learn from you. You will be contributing to the children’s healthy compassionate development.